My One-Eighty

It's been a bit since I have posted again. Things are in that swingy state where they are either going great and I'm not thinking of writing, or I'm struggling hard and can't motivate myself to write. But today, I am here at the library, in my reserved room I use for my zoom support group. Once again, it has been cancelled. Group starts at 5, so I take a half hour lunch and leave work early to be on time. An email was sent out at 4:56. The facilitator is feeling under the weather. Odds are, they have been feeling under the weather all day. Four minutes notice is unacceptable. This is the third one she has cancelled our missed in five weeks. Obvioiusly it's not as important to her as it has been to me. I love some of the people I have met through the group, but I may have to just quit going. So, I decided to spend my time looking for therapists again. I have emailed three more that are trauma focused. It is a failing of the system that finding a therapist is such a

So, work is great. I feel supported by managers and appreciated by my team. I am respected by my peers and my job gives plenty to do, things to learn, opportunities to be creative, and I'm damn good at it. In the professional aspect of my life, I am successful. But now I have to find a new balance. When my job was shit and I was completely miserable, it was draining but it was not a focus. I didn't have to work on it because it was a shit job, it had always been a shit job (even when I didn't know it yet), and it would always be a shit job. I just did the things and then I tried to forget about it for 15.5 hours when it would start over again. I focused on my health, my relationships, and even a little bit on me. Relationships top the list of my personal values and I doubt I will ever not be focused on them. My people mean the world to me. They rejuvinate me when I'm weary and worn. They lift and support me when I'm low. They share my joy in my victories. When I c