My One-Eighty

DJ was asking me some hard questions tonight. He likes to do that. He was asking me about what I deserve. He asked why I deserve to have people help me. I told him that I'm not sure I do. He asked if I deserve to be happy. I don't think so. So he asked if I deserve to be miserable. I told him I don't think I "deserve" to be happy OR miserable. He then asked why I deserve to be meh. He asked if I have the right to be happy. Words are powerful. They are important to me. If I am to figure out what I deserve or have a right to, first I have to come to terms with definitions. So many people say, "it's just semantics," as if the flavor and context of our language doesn't matter. But it does. Communication is vital. Semantics is one of my strengths. This is why I write. To share my ideas in a way that others can understand. I'll spend ten minutes agonizing over one word, to make sure it is just right, and lends the right air to my monologue. I am a ...

I am not really sure where to start. I am not really sure how I feel. I have definitely, without a doubt, started a new chapter. I did not want this. I did my best to find another answer. I just could not do it anymore. I could not continue to fight against the one person who promised to fight with me and for me.  I used to joke that I would never go through another divorce. My plan was to run Dan over with my pickup if things came to that. It has come to that and I don't have a truck anymore, so here we are. Right where I never thought I would be. I never imagined this ending for us.  The reasons I had to leave are the exact opposites of the reasons I fell in love with Dan. He had my back. He supported me. He watched for ways to pick up slack. He fought for me to not let people take advantage of me. He fought me to not sacrifice myself to the point of harming myself to help someone else. He was a buffer for me when I was too close to a situation and argued with me not to take...

  Meet Fiona. She is a baby hippo and she weighed about a hundred pounds. Why does that matter beside that she's just freakin' adorable? Because that is how much weight I have worked off! I have forgotten to weigh in the last two days, and I finally remembered today. My goal was to finally break below 250 lbs. I've been disappointed for the last two months on that and I have really been struggling with cravings and horrible food choices for the last month, so I was nervous about what my numbers were going to look like. But I did it! I worked off another 7.1 pounds this months, taking me to 245.5 pounds. Not only did I crush that 250 mark, FINALLY, but I also broke the 100 pounds worked off mark! I am now down 101.7 pounds, so when you find that cute baby Fiona with a dozen Krispy Kremes, you'll have found what I've gotten rid of. I can't believe I've made it this far, but I have about this much farther still to go. I had honestly forgotten how close I was to...