A Year in the Life - Thank You!

Wow. It has almost been a year from the date of the double whammy... Lymphedema cannot be reversed and it will never go away. What felt like complete and total devastation at first, became a catalyst for necessary change, and SO many things have changed. My turn around has not been easy, although it has gotten easier. There are still many days that I don't want to do the things I need to do and that I resent the time and effort it takes to live this life compared to the idleness and complacency of my old life. There are still more days that I need someone to push me to take care of myself than I would like to admit. But I am so blessed to be surrounded by people who love me for who I am-just as I am, and love me enough to push me to take care of myself and grow. I cannot thank you guys enough. You have saved my life, on so many levels. 

For my year in review, I wanted to go over a few things; thanks to my core peeps for getting to where I am, a recap of the progress I have made, an honest assessment of where I am now and what I am still struggling with, and finally, my goals for the future. This post will only be the thank you's. The rest will come later. If you're reading this, thanks for coming along for the ride. I hope that reading this blog has helped uplift you in some way.

My thank you's are not in any particular order, as all of you are important to me, though in entirely different ways. I will do my best to touch on the brilliance each of you shines into my life and what you all mean to me. Just know, I probably cannot do justice to the enormity and intensity of my gratefulness.

First, my girls. I'll start with you, Livi. Most days, you are way better than I would like at being strict and showing tough love. One day, you are the silliness I need with your dad jokes and cute puppy videos, and the next day, you lift me up with a wisdom beyond your years. You remind me of why I am working for change and growth, literally by telling me, but also by being the vibrant and beautiful person you are. I want to change and grow to be healthy enough to be physically here for you for a very long time. I want to change and grow to become a person you can look up to. I want to be someone you can be proud of and who you would want to be like. When I look at my Momma and Daddy, I know they are so much of the inspiration for the strength I want to have and the love and support I want to give. I am doing the best I can to use their example, along with my own experiences, to be the rock when you need it, the shelter when you're vulnerable, and an example of the mom you want to be for your own kids. I love you.

Ash, you were a surprise blessing this year. We were barely connected when I started this journey on your birthday last year. It wasn't a great day for either of us. I cannot tell you how much it has meant to me to really get to know you again. To be there with you and for you and have you with me and for me. You are a bad ass and a hard ass. You're a bad ass in your own life, fighting through all the challenges life is slamming into you and never giving up. Working for your dream. Striving to be a better person. You are a hard ass when it comes to helping me stick to what I need to do and not letting me get down on myself. You are an amazing example to me. You are so strong and beautiful. It kills me that you can't see that in yourself. I will do everything I can to show you that reflection until you can believe that it is real. I love you.

The next two thank you's are going out to my Cottage Cuties. Barb, you are the best! You are funny and loving. You give great hugs. You are harder on yourself that I think even I am on me, and I would NOT be my friend. I wish you could see your own greatness and love yourself more. In spite of how much your mind and body seem to hate you, you are still so giving of every drop of energy you have left. You are an amazing cheerleader, both cheering me on and praising my accomplishments, as well as pushing me to recognize my own accomplishments. You are the goddess of love and protection. You are a queen and I love you.

Anne, my fellow wizard. You have given me administrative support, encouragement, practical guidance, and firm pushes in turns. You are solid and strong for those few of us lucky enough for you to consider us friends, but rarely share yourself in those moments when you need us to be solid and strong for you. I could not have even begun this journey without you. DJ was the pusher from the start, but finding recipes and calculating sodium and then carbs, making menus and tackling meal plans were all too overwhelming for me. Your help in those things was invaluable. I could never have put the practical applications into place that helped me to build the new habits I needed to succeed. The first few recipes that you provided gave me hope. DJ told me it could be done. You showed me how. You are the goddess of making the improbable practical, of turning dreams into goals. You are a queen and I love you.

And last, but not least, the Basement Boys. I know suggestions have been made for other titles, but I don't remember them, so you're left with what stuck in my brain. :) Dave, I have enjoyed getting to know you this past year. At first, you were the other half of my Barb. That was all I knew of you. I saw how you loved her and supported her and how could I not love you for that alone? Then I started seeing all the quiet little ways you sneak in. Not only do you feed us, you look for ways to feed us that fit within my dietary restrictions. You did my laundry when I couldn't, but you also keep track of my laundry when I forget to change it up. You door dash milkshakes for silly teenagers. You are the master of the little things that make life easier and more enjoyable for those you surround yourself with. I am glad to be one of those people. I love you, too. 

DJ, DJ, DJ... where do I even start? You have been a friend to me in a way no one else ever has before, to a level I didn't even realize I wanted. Most days, I'm pretty sure that's a good thing. You also overwhelm me in ways no one else has before. You have overwhelmed me with immense acts of kindness when you barely even knew me. You have been there for me and listened and cried with me and helped me put the pieces back together and overwhelmed me with your gentleness. You have supported me and helped me find a path through all kinds of jungles I've never even tried to enter before. You have overwhelmed me with your forcefulness when you have pushed me to confront truths I would rather deny or, oh so rudely, shoved me out of my comfort zone. You can be an ass, and when your words aren't quite right, they are all the way wrong, but I am always glad you are my friend. Sometimes, I feel like we are polar opposites and I can't figure out how we ended up being friends in the first place, but I don't care. I'm still overwhelmed that it happened and I can't thank you enough for all the times and ways you have been here for me. I love you.

And finally, my Dan. I love you for so many things and cannot imagine going through these last twenty years with anyone else. Even with all that we've been through, this last year has pushed us to our limits. We've been through poor and poorer, sickness and health, good times and bad, but you've always been on my side. You've always been there to hold me, catch me when I fell, snagging my keys before I knew I've lost them and a million other little things that I didn't realize I needed until after you have already done them. We've worked on raising five kids together, through various stages of chaos and trauma. We have always leaned on each other, balanced each other, and gotten through. We're going to do that again. Here's to twenty more years. We got this. I love you.